You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
