just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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