no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
