hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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