dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
