Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
