i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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