If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize