its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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