just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
