Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
