Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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