problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize