Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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