i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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