I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
