I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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