End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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