pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
