fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
