Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
