Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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