That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
