I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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