My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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