Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize