did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
