Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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