I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
