If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
