I feel great
I just peed on a car
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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