just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
