That's when you crack a 10am beer
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
