I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
