so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
