i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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