I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
