At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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