She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
