You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
