WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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