dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
