I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
