Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
