Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
