what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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