I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
