Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize