I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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