Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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