you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
