Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
