Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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