Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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