I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
