I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
