dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
