# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
