I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
