Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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