Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
