So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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