i jhust puked up my retainher.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
