I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
