Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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