i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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