That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
