yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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