Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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