im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
40s are totally the cure
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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