Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
