Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Welp...herpes.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
