Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
