Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She even gives head with a lisp.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
