i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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