Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
