I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
